She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
