I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
