you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize