I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
