i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
