he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I am naked and annoyed.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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