Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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