it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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