OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
