Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
this beer tastes like vomit already
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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