dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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