You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
