You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
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