you will always have a special place in my vag
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
