Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
