evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
