New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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