things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
she told me i tasted like america
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
