She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
