some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
