I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
