Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
