Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
