my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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