As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
