Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
