im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
