i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
