If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
