You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Randomize
