I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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