she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
