I haven't been this sober since birth.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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