guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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