Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
