guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Acid is not a monday night drug
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
