Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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