my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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