is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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