So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
