My room smells like vodka and shame
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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