Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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