mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
