Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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