i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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