If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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