I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
