and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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