wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
