i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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