There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
