UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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