tell your sister to shave her snatch
love makes seman taste better
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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