Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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