thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
honey bunches of taint.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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