Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
