she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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