My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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