my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
