Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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