Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
As shirtless as possible
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
