My nipple is on Facebook.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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